She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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