My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
