having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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