he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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