I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
