just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
