i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
