I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
