apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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