Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
