overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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