I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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