my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
