Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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