A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
