maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
