Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
be right there i have to get my cape
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
