hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
