She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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