he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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