That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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