We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
