I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize