so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
