i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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