This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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