I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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