she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
