and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
