I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
