I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
