update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
