im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
