we have officially lost it.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
