you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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