My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
