Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
