dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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