Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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