Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
