Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
