Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
