Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize