They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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