He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
