I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We talked him into tasing himself.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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