coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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