she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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