my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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