he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
