I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
