Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
