So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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