..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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