Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
