I can text with my tongue
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
someone owes me an orgasm
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
