My first STD was from a foam party
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
