Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
