I think my vagina is haunted
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it was like eating out sand paper
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
