its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
