Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
