just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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