the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
