We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
17 year olds will be the death of me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
