Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
