I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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