is your mom at the bar?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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