Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
