you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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