put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
