just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
