I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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