was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
