Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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