JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
