my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
