Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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