I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
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