I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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