you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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