I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize