Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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