you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
two words...techno handjob
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
