Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
