So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
