i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
