My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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