I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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