It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize