Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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