is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
