I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
