How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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