i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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