im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize