I am midnight drunk by noon
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
