I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
