i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
