Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
