Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
