once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize