i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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