Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
