I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
