apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
