In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
