I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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