she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
