I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Drake has all the answers
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
