I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
